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#12619098 Aug 12, 2016 at 03:55 PM
Guild Leader
31 Posts
Original DDO Forum Post

Talking Hordo's How-To #1 => Piking Your Way to the Top!
The title says it all, folks. I'm Hordo, and I'm going to teach everybody in DDO how to pike to the top!

Many of you, especially on Khyber, have seen one of my HordoToons™ running around questing and raiding and you ask yourself, "How the**** did that ************ ever get his **** together enough to craft all that ****?"


It seems the Turbine Dybbuk's of Censorship have altered the question you asked yourself. Mayhap it was a bit rudely spoken. This brings us to our first lesson folks.

1. Don't do so much, or so little, that you **** folks off and they censor/squelch you.

You stand at the beginning of the quest and go /afk, you may find yourself /squelched. BUT you go in there and cart your lazy behind just a bit back from the action but close enough to LOOK like you are doing something. /win.

It also helps to gather around you many rubes who will do your bidding. Whoa! Did I really just say that? I mean, gather around you many good players who like to "teach" you the right way to do things.

2. Always join the groups with the biggest talkers. They won't notice your low number of kills are due to your slacking off, they will think you need help and give you free stuff.

Free stuff is just what we want right? I mean a true piker is there for the loot and that's it basically. But sometimes the quest is just way too long to wait around and pretend you are doing something for that long before you might give yourself away. This calls for drastic measures.

3. In-game deaths can either be funny or noobish. You must master BOTH ways to truly become a master HordoDeathMagnet™ and ultimate piker.

"In the backpack you should be, yes..." a wise master HordoDeathMagnet™ once said and they were right. Long distance piking is an art form, but it can have it's drawbacks. Once you have become known as a HordoDeathMagnet™ folks may clamor for the honor of carting your stone...and then dropping it in a lava lake. This poses a major problem for the true piker.

4. Feigned indignation, rather than rezzing out and reentering the quest, is the preferred method to rescue a soulstone from hot lava-y doom.

Act shocked and surprised that your stalwart companion, your boon mate, your comrade in arms would treat you in such a manner that should be left for folks that deserve a good /squelching. They are your friends and they will eventually submit and waste TONS of resources trying to rez your lazy, good for nothing, behind. Which brings me to our next lesson.

5. Be ready to hand out gifts to the clerics/healers of the group for "keeping you alive" and helping out the party.

Basically, you are bribing the clerics not to call you out for one of two things: either you have not been doing anything and they know it because they are watching the red bars, or you have been too flagrant with your suicidal attempts making them wary of your every step. Moderation is the key here, and a major pot or two doesn't hurt.

6. The quicker you say you don't need something you pulled, makes folks more likely to switch that nice, shiny, new whatever over to you in the chest.

That's right. Give up the booty to get the goody. I'm not talking about all the stuff everyone is after, like large scales, those will come your way if you are ready to craft...folks get generous after part 5 of the Shroud if folks are finishing an item, but I'm talking about the REALLY good stuff like a CON +6 Necklace of Grease with 5 charges. Stuff you can stand right behind the caster and throw out there and all they see is the caster, and his blue mana bar going just slightly down (gotta time this) and you get off free and clear. But that's another game guide! The true piker lets the loot come to them. We are the first to point out that so-and-so left something in the chest, as we are the greedy folks who want it in the first place if even just to sell it.

7. Make sure that if you get raid loot, you wear raid loot.

I don't care if you look like a Mardi Gras reject like that junk from Mindsunder makes you look like, or the good stuff like the Marilith Chain and it gives you a cool green armor with awful looking leg-warmers, you got it given to you now wear it. This will accomplish two things: it will make your MyDDO page look that much more impressive "Hmm...Marilith Chain instead of that Masterwork Breastplate from last week!" and it will give you direct and factual impetus to go into quests asking for particular dropped items...and this is where it gets good.

8. Make your intentions loud and clear when it comes to desiring loot of any sort, that way you are the first thought of when it drops.

You read is gospel. If you keep it up, like a mantra, "Dude, I so need the scroll, shard, seal for the Marilith Chain" throughout the entire Epic desert series, DQ1 and 2, you will be the first one that comes to mind as if you have programmed your party like your own loot-giving Pavlov's dogs.

9. A well-timed mediocre changeup can make up for an expected world class curveball in most situations.

Keep them guessing. You are a bard, and want bard stuff, but you splashed fighter and need that too! Always stay on your toes, but dont' forget to give up the loot to get the stuff you really want. If you pulled something you know you don't even wanna look at, act like you might keep it and then when you give it up it will seem like much more of an act of largess and will earn you kudos.

10. Finally, just when they are catching on to you, TR.

That's right. If the heat is on don't wait till your 20th whatever raid, just TR then and there and they will all go, "Well, he said he needed that thing for his TR, I guess he wasn't kidding." And like sheep to the shearer, they keep on a-coming.

I hope that this guide helps you in your future Piking endeavors as much as it has entertained me writing it. Go and let others do the work for you!

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